Because functional game consoles are so 2010’s, this is the official LEGO Sony Playstation set. The kit contains 1,911 pieces and builds an almost full-scale version of the classic 1994 gaming console, complete with pressable open and power buttons, and a connectable controller. Pressing the open button reveals tiny Gran Turismo and Ape Escape dioramas inside (FUN FACT: Ape Escape was designed to work exclusively with the newly released DualShock controller’s analog sticks, which the controller included in the set lacks — GET WITH IT, LEGO!). It releases October 4th for $180. *spit-takes Mountain Dew Code Red* For reference, you can get a good used Playstation for about a quarter of that. Will it play GTA 6? No. And if my mom asks I won’t be either because SOMEBODY told her the game would be a bad influence. Like I’d be influenced by video games! What she doesn’t know is I’ve secretly been playing GTA 5 after they go to sleep. Now, help me steal my neighbor’s car, I’ve been scouting some sick jumps in the neighborhood I wanna hit.

Mother Nature: she never ceases to shock and amaze (but mostly terrify). This is a video from British photographer Jake Baggaley and his assistant Nick on the side of a rock cliff in the French Alps of Chamonix when some ibexes come to say hello and lick the salt off of Jake’s sweaty legs. Even with the via ferrata steel climbing cables set into the side of the cliff, that climb does not look like a good time to me. But, FULL DISCLOSURE: I get nervous at any outdoor height over a second story balcony. “This guy’s leg tastes like urine,” I imagine the ibexes whispering to each other and having a good bleat at my expense.

Because what good are tools if they can’t be thrown to make cool sounds *throws stud finder, disappointing breaking sound* these are a couple videos of Zach “The Speed Square King”
(I would have gone with Zach “The Speed Square King” King) throwing his carpenter’s speed square, which sounds like Thor’s hammer Mjölnir while flying. That’s pretty crazy. Even crazier? That Zach repeatedly catches that humming death triangle coming back at him after bouncing it off trees and tires. If that were me I’d be in the ER right now with a speed square in my skull, and all the veterinarians whispering if wearing a collar is sufficient to be treated as a pet. I’ll be half-consciously hoping so, because I ain’t got that people doctor money.

Because who doesn’t want to hear me constantly yelling “DO A KICKFLIP!”, this is SK8MOD, a $99 controller designed specifically for playing skateboard video games (list of compatible games HERE). You just download the app to your phone, then mount your phone in the middle of the board and you can control your skater’s direction, tilt, and spin, as well as initiate flip tricks by swiping the touchscreen. I’m into it, but probably only for a couple runs. Because (and I told the guy who tried to sell me a VR treadmill the same thing): I’m a lazy gamer. I like to lie on the sofa with a bag of chips on my chest when I game. I’m not trying to run around IRL, and I’m not trying to sit up. Sitting up is what I do when I’m working, so it resurfaces all sorts of unsavory memories.

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Because Flock cameras are all the Big Brother rage these days, the folks at Youtube channel Donut (misnomer, no jelly-filled to be seen) went and wrapped a Toyota Yaris with an “adversarial noise” pattern in an attempt to make the vehicle undetectable by the AI-powered surveillance cameras (previously: doing the same thing with shirts). And it seems to have worked. Sure your car looks like vomit now, but at least the cops won’t be able to track you with cameras. By sight, easily. Or you could dig tunnels everywhere and get around underground like the mole people. “Mole people don’t exist.” Clearly the tunnels are working.

This is a video of a DART drone landing on top of a pickup traveling at speeds up to 110km/h (68.3 MPH). I know, the title said 70MPH, but I was rounding up. Plus if I’d been driving the truck that drone would have had to land at like 90MPH. I drive like a bat out of Hell High School on the last day of class. I’m kidding, my girlfriend will tell you I drive like an old lady, and she’s not lying, I have a heliumfoot and really don’t like doing anything over 35MPH. If I can’t open the door and likely survive rolling out I get anxious. Go slow and roll out — that’s my motto. Back me up, Transformers. “He’s not with us.” That’s the last time I ever let you sleep in my garage. “It’s a carport.” I don’t even feel bad about draining your wiper fluid and pouring sugar in your gas tank now.