Note: the auto-dubbed translations are great.

Because some people’s eyes aren’t bigger than their stomachs (I’m looking at you, young me at an all-you-can-eat buffet), this is a video of professional eater Mayoi Ebihara putting down a 10-pound Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki at Denkou Sekka in Fukuoka, Japan. What is okonomiyaki? I’m glad you asked, because I didn’t know either. But after you read this we’ll both know because you can explain it to me. Via BoingBoing:

“Okonomiyaki is basically a kind of pancake or crepe cooked on a griddle. It means “grilled as you like it,” because you get to pick what goes on top of it. It’s built in layers, starting with a thin pancake, a pile of shredded cabbage, pork, fried noodles, and topped with fried eggs. In Fukuoka, you also get a generous squirt of cod roe mayonnaise called mentaiko mayo, as well as a sweet barbecue sauce, dried seaweed flakes, thin shavings of dried fish, and a mound of green onion.”

Customers have 40 minutes to eat the pancake and be rewarded with the resulting tummyache for free, or pay ¥5,500 (~$35) if they fail to finish. Mayoi manages to comfortably polish off the unit with about 13 minutes remaining. Me? I figure it would take me about 20 minutes, then another 20 to figure out what’s for dessert. Mochi? Taiyaki? Another okonomiyaki? I’m a monster. Like, a literal monster. I live in your closet, it sucks in there. Let’s get me a walk-in.

Easily my new favorite feel-good video, this is a clip of three-banded armadillo Roswell chasing down and wrapping himself around an apple (I’ve actually been meaning to post this for a while but it kept getting lost in my 400 tabs). How precious is that? Way more valuable than any gold or jewels, so I will take those off your hands if you have any. I SAID PUT THE RING IN THE BAG. Roswell lives at Conservation Ambassadors, where I also hope to live one day. I could watch Roswell apple roll all day. Do we have the technology to tattoo videos on the insides of eyelids yet? Because that’s what I want. Anytime I close my eyes, there’s Roswell with his apple. *sigh* Anything’s better than replaying the latest life mistake I’ve made. And I’ve made a lot of them. If I had a dollar for even just the recent ones I could be swimming in a pool of losing lotto scratchers right now.

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Because giant and impractical is the new compact and practical *pulls rotary phone from backpack, looks around for a jack*, YouTuber SuperfastMatt scaled up a Razor scooter to 8 feet long, powered by a rear hub motor. That looks like a good time. Provided your idea of a good time is everyone pulling out their phones just in time to catch the aftermath of you crashing into a curb. Am I bleeding? Matt says this was actually the first project he started when he launched his YouTube channel 7 years ago. Is that bad luck? Probably. Also, it’s crazy to think that if you started a 7-year project today you wouldn’t be finished until after the world ends. That’s just a fact, like you being one of the world’s greatest lovers.

Boring stuff, boring stuff, boring stuff. Did they read it? You owe me!

Nostalgia is the train you ride when you want to go somewhere warmer and fuzzier. I try to live on that train like a hobo, but it doesn’t always work out and I’m left huddled around a barrel fire, trying to warm my hands on the heatless flames of reality. This is ‘Come Back To Firefox’, an ad for Firefox featuring eleven viral meme personas from the 2000s/2010s. I’ve been wondering what they were up to. Especially Bad Luck Brian. I was afraid to look him up because of his name but in my mind he was living his best life as Good Luck Brian. I’m glad to see they’re all doing well. Also, ‘Come Back to Firefox’? Like I ever left! “Yeah, you’re not using Firefox.” What is it then? “It looks like the AOL dial-up browser they finally discontinued last year.” Hell yeah, MOM DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE.

Because what are we without synergy, Dustin Ballard of There I Ruined It created ‘LinkedIn Park’, a reimagining of Linkin Park’s ‘In The End’ with lyrics made from corporate jargon pulled directly from people’s LinkedIn profiles. Is it sad I could already sing along the first time I heard it? I feel like I’ve been living this song for years. The man is crushing my soul! “I thought you sold that.” Shhhhhhh — don’t tell the devil but I signed a friend’s name with my blood. Plus I only pretended to cut myself and used Heinz, so Dave probably won’t even get eternally damned anyways.

Presumably between their courses in snowboarding and advanced hydroponics, researchers at the University Of Colorado Boulder have developed tattoo ink that remains invisible until activated with UV light, and can be deactivated again with bright white (visible) light. Currently being tested before commercial availability, PhotoTats use inks with “photochromic (light reactive) dye in tiny plexiglass spheres.” No clue exactly how that works, but now I can finally get that MOM heart tattoo I’ve always wanted but hide it when I’m home visiting!

Video below, which includes handwriting on a hidden blotch of ink with a UV pen, and using stencils to make different tattoos from the same hidden ink.