Easily my new favorite feel-good video, this is a clip of three-banded armadillo Roswell chasing down and wrapping himself around an apple (I’ve actually been meaning to post this for a while but it kept getting lost in my 400 tabs). How precious is that? Way more valuable than any gold or jewels, so I will take those off your hands if you have any. I SAID PUT THE RING IN THE BAG. Roswell lives at Conservation Ambassadors, where I also hope to live one day. I could watch Roswell apple roll all day. Do we have the technology to tattoo videos on the insides of eyelids yet? Because that’s what I want. Anytime I close my eyes, there’s Roswell with his apple. *sigh* Anything’s better than replaying the latest life mistake I’ve made. And I’ve made a lot of them. If I had a dollar for even just the recent ones I could be swimming in a pool of losing lotto scratchers right now.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Zoo To You Wildlife Education (@conservation.ambassadors.zty)

Because giant and impractical is the new compact and practical *pulls rotary phone from backpack, looks around for a jack*, YouTuber SuperfastMatt scaled up a Razor scooter to 8 feet long, powered by a rear hub motor. That looks like a good time. Provided your idea of a good time is everyone pulling out their phones just in time to catch the aftermath of you crashing into a curb. Am I bleeding? Matt says this was actually the first project he started when he launched his YouTube channel 7 years ago. Is that bad luck? Probably. Also, it’s crazy to think that if you started a 7-year project today you wouldn’t be finished until after the world ends. That’s just a fact, like you being one of the world’s greatest lovers.

Boring stuff, boring stuff, boring stuff. Did they read it? You owe me!

Nostalgia is the train you ride when you want to go somewhere warmer and fuzzier. I try to live on that train like a hobo, but it doesn’t always work out and I’m left huddled around a barrel fire, trying to warm my hands on the heatless flames of reality. This is ‘Come Back To Firefox’, an ad for Firefox featuring eleven viral meme personas from the 2000s/2010s. I’ve been wondering what they were up to. Especially Bad Luck Brian. I was afraid to look him up because of his name but in my mind he was living his best life as Good Luck Brian. I’m glad to see they’re all doing well. Also, ‘Come Back to Firefox’? Like I ever left! “Yeah, you’re not using Firefox.” What is it then? “It looks like the AOL dial-up browser they finally discontinued last year.” Hell yeah, MOM DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE.

Because what are we without synergy, Dustin Ballard of There I Ruined It created ‘LinkedIn Park’, a reimagining of Linkin Park’s ‘In The End’ with lyrics made from corporate jargon pulled directly from people’s LinkedIn profiles. Is it sad I could already sing along the first time I heard it? I feel like I’ve been living this song for years. The man is crushing my soul! “I thought you sold that.” Shhhhhhh — don’t tell the devil but I signed a friend’s name with my blood. Plus I only pretended to cut myself and used Heinz, so Dave probably won’t even get eternally damned anyways.

Presumably between their courses in snowboarding and advanced hydroponics, researchers at the University Of Colorado Boulder have developed tattoo ink that remains invisible until activated with UV light, and can be deactivated again with bright white (visible) light. Currently being tested before commercial availability, PhotoTats use inks with “photochromic (light reactive) dye in tiny plexiglass spheres.” No clue exactly how that works, but now I can finally get that MOM heart tattoo I’ve always wanted but hide it when I’m home visiting!

Video below, which includes handwriting on a hidden blotch of ink with a UV pen, and using stencils to make different tattoos from the same hidden ink.

This is a video highlighting the vast amphibious collection of Susan Burgos, who was recently recognized by Guinness World Records as having the largest collection of frog memorabilia. Ribbit! The previous record was an already impressive 10,502, but Susan’s totals 13,201. That’s no tadpole! Susan even bought a second home with a large garage to store the collection. Wait, what?! Does, uh, does that collection need a roommate? Per Susan:

“I won’t add to it. I think it’s complete. I just feel totally fulfilled.”

And people say collecting doesn’t provide fulfillment — Susan is living proof! Sure it might take owning 13,000 of something, but still, there’s hope. Just a heads up though: if your collection is just old newspapers and non-nudie magazines you’re a hoarder, not a collector. There will never be any fulfillment, only a sad rerun on A&E.